Tuesday, September 8, 2009

Are we our own worst enemies?

Why do mothers and some women (with or without children) feel the need to judge each other so severely? As a sex there has been generations of women before us that fought for the right to do many a thing - to vote, equality at work, natural parenting, have or not have children - basically to be women. Now in the 'new millennium' we can vote, we can chose (sometimes)to be working or non - working mothers, we can wear what we like, have a million options for ourselves and our kids. With all this available you would think that there would be a mass of self assured, confidant, loving women going about their daily lives full - physically, mentally, spiritually. But I (and it is just my opinion) do not really feel that this is happening.............

More and more I am hearing of women, some mothers some not, to scared or lacking in confidence because of something another woman has said or done. Whether it be their friend, acquaintance, mother, sister, in law, teacher it is always at the hands of a fellow woman. I left my mothers group because I could not bear the continuous financial competitiveness, I could not put my daughter through another Wednesday afternoon of possibly not living up to the others standards and I couldn't put myself through not living up to their standards. I wasn't raising my child according the masses, I wore the wrong clothes, said the wrong words. Another friend of mine has herself in a complete and utter breakdown state because her 9 month old is not up to her mothers groups standards and she is starting to 'feel the heat'. I could go on but I wont subject you all to that!

Like me there are a few I know that have left mothers group, book clubs, gyms, etc because of other women - yes we have all found other creative outlets, fitness regimes and things for our kids to do - but should we have had too?

I am grateful for the experience as it has probably allowed me to become more confident about who I am and what I do - and it led to me starting this blog which I will be forever grateful for - I just wonder what happened to the sisterhood - can we not support where we criticize, can we not understand where we would usually judge, why do we not embrace the uniqueness?

Are we really living in a society where the most dangerous of predators are our own kind?


Bird Bath said...

It is a sad thing that not everybody encourages one another...perhaps our times have just become too competitive.
Sometimes it's hard not to feel put out by it and then other times it feels good to play by your own rules.

Jen said...

I know what you mean by the competitive mothers group! I went to one of those a few times...and quickly left as I felt judged for returning to work 'too early'. But then you just find like minded souls to hang about with and share happy times with your kids. When I lived in Adelaide, I found a great yoga group in Glenelg with a mums and babies class that had a great vibe of acceptance.

Katrine said...

it does sometimes feel like all women do is judge each other doesn't it?

it's so sad that so many women have such weak sense of themselves that they need to build themselves up by putting others down, to define themselves in terms of how their 'things' are better than other women's 'things' .... and it's so easy to start judging straight back when we feel judged... a vicious cycle indeed.
good on you for stepping back and not getting dragged into such futile competition!

i've always been wary of the dynamics of women/girls in groups and, ever since i was a little girl, have much preferred to have my female friendship based on spending time one on one rather than in groups.

good women friends are hard to find, but the support of my women friends is invaluable to me and they are sorely missed when i don't see them for a while...