Do we follow one road or use the whole map?

I have always admired people that knew what they wanted to do.....you know the people that say 'oh yes I have wanted to be an artist since I was an embryo'.....they know what they want, they follow their dream and achieve their goals. I never really stood on that side of the garden. I think I have mentioned before about my complete ability to be stunningly indecisive, completely disorganised and change my mind on average every five minutes. Yes, it makes for an interesting life but sometimes I wish I could narrow things down.....don't get me wrong I have dreams, goals, ambitions and a the work ethic of a mule (and the stubbornness to boot) but I would love to do everything, go everywhere, meet everyone and achieve it all.

Can I do it? Can I do it all? Do I need to narrow it down or is it possible to just accept who I am and go for everything. Is it ethically, morally and physically possible to do it all? How do you balance it? Can I turn my entire being of chaotic ambition into an organised life?

We leave for Thailand in ten days and apart from stressing because it will be the longest I have been away from her (not that she will actually care) and possibly consuming a fair amount of wine/cocktails (remember my in laws will be there) I am hoping to use it as a bit of a re-start. An opportunity to decide really , apart from obviously the Mr & the Madam, in what areas I will direct my energies. Hopefully Thailand lends my overactive mind some clarity.

So what about you all....did you always know what you wanted to do? Do you follow your head or your heart with how you live your life?

Do we have to be defined by one thing or are we able to have many,many stories in our book?

Is it just easier this way?

This is from here
what a beautiful art project.......

Yesterday Vic wrote a post that really got me thinking....is it easier to exist in an online world than it is in ' real life'? Parts of what she wrote rang true for me, I am more than happy if I'm on my own - I was like that as a kid and I'm like that now - although I am lucky in the sense I have a great group of friends that put up with my idiosyncrasies. I do like people but I can often get way too bogged down in 'doing the right thing' and sometimes just find it easier to be the madam and I.

I also didn't seem to find the solace or camaraderie in mothers group that people seem too. I did make a really good friend through it but we have stayed friends even though I left - she is lovely and is another one that understands that I don't constantly need to be around people. I love my daughter and yes she rules my world but I don't want to sit and talk about her all day! We are also not in the financial situation that seemed to be required for mothers group! If you know what I mean.

But then I was thinking that I don't really find or hear about any sort of 'social pressure' with blogging. Is it because we get to exist on our own terms? What I mean is - you guys aren't going to freak out if I don't turn up one day or if everything I own comes from the oppy. If I read a different book, try my hand at a million creative things until I find the one that fits, make a list after list and only accomplish a little I wont be thrown into the lions den of social judgement.

Is it easier to open our hearts and our lives on line because if we get a response we don't like we can hit delete?

I am not saying this is a good or a bad thing. I love being a blogger. It has forced me to come out and try new things, think about new adventures, consciously parent more than before,etc, etc and most importantly I have met a myriad of brilliant people. I am sure some of us will get to sit down over a coffee or a wine one day and some of us wont but I will always still appreciate and love how the blog world is such a collection of creative, funny, wonderful souls.

Hello.....

Well..... I know I have been a bit of a slack tart with my beloved blog but I am back. I think I have been letting my 'real life' dominate - which of course is fine - but my creative outlet was just left with no creative out letting - so I made an executive decision about 3am that I am going to give myself just that bit of time in the morning in between slumber/alarm/Mr off to work and the angst cry of 'Maammmmmaaa' to have a bit of blog session!

As far as Christmas goes - the tree is up and lovely and decorated. My favourite part of that is the fairy lights. I don't know why I just love them! I even went on a pilgrimage to Ikea (I know madness!) the other day to look for free standing, battery operated ones but alas there were none. My parents are hosting on our actual Christmas Day but this Saturday we have the Mr's family at his cousins house (for public safety we don't combine). It is beautiful this year as we have a few more children in each family (which tend to outweigh the Grinch's) and I kinda like the idea of Christmas over a week......makes it last longer. I have completed nothing fabulously (I'm making that a word!) crafty so if your are hanging in there for a photo of a Chrissie quilt of handmade decorations I'm sorry).

The Mr just had some male bonding time away fishing/camping/grunting etc. So the madam and I did a few beach excursions and had a few people over, a market visit & joining in a global warming awareness chat on our main street made it definitely a good weekend! The Mr's Aunty is an artist and I went down to her art sale - she creates the most stunning work! She also is mum to two lovely thirteen year old girls who I adore. They were selling some of there creative pursuits as well - I will try and post a photo another day.

As for today I have a friend and her son coming over - good energy people! Thank you to all (Pip, Maggie and Kel my constant sources of wisdom and wiseness!) for the advice about dogs we are still looking and researching and hoping the right dog will come.

I am also working on some submissions for magazines - if they work I will let you know - if not I may fall into that hole of the rejected writer/photographer. I am also working a couple of aromatherapy and slow food 'things'.

Anyway.........hope your all all lovely & happy & see you soon!

* Oh and the Mr found Max our gender confused turtle out the back when he got home after my four hour hunt*

To tweet or not to tweet - that is the question?

Just so you know is is 6:41am when I start this post and for the last hour or so I have become that crazy woman doing the gardening......I had an 'Edward Sisscorhand's' moment and started pruning and sweeping my front yard.....all in the clothes that fall by the bed....you know the ones that yes may be the same colour but aren't really a conducive outfit....all while my lovely neighbours are going to work in their cars possibly muttering 'who gave the nutter a pair of gardening shears!'. I think it's the only way to do decent gardening.....bad outfit far too early in the morning!

Anyway....

I know that this will make me seem like I am so far behind but.....to tweet or not to tweet? I had a look at twitter last night as I am finding that with some of my greenie/political/geek news that I am looking for people are 'tweeting' way before you can find it anywhere else - also I noticed a few of my favourite blog lovelies are 'tweeting' as well. So is everyone on it? Does this just up my addiction to my screen or is it valuable? To tweet or not to tweet - that is the question?

Art is not a thing; it is a way. Elbert Hubbard

The above is just a quote I came across that I loved.....

The heatwave broke......and a little bit of wee came out

Well last night the heatwave broke.....for a while there it looked like it wouldn't but we ended up with a great lightening storm and a teeny tiny amount of rain. Yesterday a 43 degrees was just a bit warm but it is a much cooler 29 (I think) today. The first two photos I took just down the street - we could see the storm coming and when you looked towards the sea you got these beautiful colours and the start of a lightening show - when you turned around it was just 'normal' - sometimes it is just wild to see Mother Nature do her thing.

The last photo is obviously the Madam a bit excited about the coming storm - we stayed outside a bit last night celebrating the heatwave breaking with a bit of sav blanc (for me) beer (for him) water ( for madam ) and chicken & salad - we didn't get that much rain but when we did she rain out going

" Look the rain is only little....like wee"

So didn't want to stand in it then.

To chat or not to chat.....

The madam has a wonderfully outgoing personality - she very rarely has any sort of fear of anyone or anything. When I was pregnant I read in somewhere that the majority of fear is a 'learned response' and I have tried pretty hard to make sure she is fearless. She has always been a bit of a mimic but now she seems to be going through a major 'copy cat' phase. My mother in law is scared of dogs so when she is around the madam is scared of dogs, the Mr loves sandwiches so when he is around that is all she will eat and so on.....

Anyway

Where I am going with this is I like to talk. Yes I am the weird Chickie that smiles, says hello and ends up having in depth conversations with random people. I have met some fabulous people that way and had some very interesting experiences. I don't know why I do it as technically I am not really known for that much talking but it is just what I do. A friend of mine had quite the freak out at me the other day for it - she feels like I am teaching the madam that it is okay just to talk to anyone and this will therefore lead to her talking to strangers and thus her inevitable abduction. I actually thought the opposite - that it would teach her not to judge others based on appearance and to feel comfortable if in a dire situation to ask anyone for help.

So my question (cause you know how I love a good question!) is how do you teach your kids to be wary of people but to not judge, be accepting and friendly as well? Is 'stranger danger' still appropriate or is there another way?

Hot thoughts

 

I have a million things I would love to blog about at the moment but I think the heat has fried my brain. As some would know this blog is my creative outlet in many ways but it mostly started because the Mr isn't really into "deep & meaningfuls" and I think he thought if I could put all my questions & thoughts using another medium to other people it would save him from pulling his beard out (as he has no hair).

The photo's above have absolutely nothing to do with anything - just some random pictures taken on a few of the latest adventures madam and I have been having. I do live in a beautiful area and am very lucky to have the beach, village atmosphere and the country all within a 5 km radius.

So....

My question at the moment is....do we ever really stop striving for acceptance? Whether it be from parents, partners, siblings, friends, random people, the checkout girl at the shop. I don't know. I like to think of myself as a fairly independant, free thinking, "don't give a shit" kinda girl. In a sense I am but I am also a "do the right thing", hope I didn't offend, don't hate me kinda girl. I am not sure if one is better than the other or should I be more of one and less of another...........

Summer creatures & lessons

Day four of the "big heat" (I know I am dreadfully dramatic) and I am learning a few things - gotta love that life is a continuous series of educational moments;

Lesson 1 : when it is hot out every freaky little creature wants to come in (see above photo) I have found so many weird little things coming in through cracks and holes I didn't know existed.....could also be the madam leaving the door open "because my new friends are so tiny and cute" (note to self: get madam new friends)

Lesson 2: Never say to anyone how lucky you are because your child never gets sick - because then they do.

Lesson 3: Photo's taken out the car window when driving sick kid around to distract her from coughing are always going to be on a bizarre angle but make you laugh.

She never said a word

I have been trying to go through some old photo's I have and do a bit of organising and editing when I came across this one. In 2006 we went to Phuket, Thailand which is were this photo was taken. At the time I was about 8 weeks pregnant with the madam - I had bad morning/afternoon sickness and made friends with pretty much every toilet in Thailand - I am also pretty sure it was in Thailand my ankles turned to tankles - must try and find them again.

Thailand in a phenomenal place. It has some very western things that are appealing to some tourists - you have shopping malls, bars, really cheap clothes, sunnies, etc. But it also has fantastic people. People that may, by western standards, not have a huge amount of 'stuff' but are incredibly welcoming and happy. When we were there it was about eighteen months since the Tsunami and to see how people had rebuilt physically, mentally and spiritually after such a devastating happening was very humbling.

When I took this photo we had been in a mini bus to go visit a temple - this was a stop at a look out to get some air and to make my face return to white instead of the freaky green it was. I remember watching this lady walk to her place of worship - she had a very peaceful, positive vibe about her (and it's all about the vibe) - she played on my mind for a long time - I can't put my finger on the exact reason why but she did. She reminded me, and still does when I look at this photo, that it is good to embrace who you are, to be in the moment as much as possible and happiness can be found in the strangest places - even a rock ledge look out in Thailand.

It is funny how sometimes, if you look past what is known to the unknown, the person ( or people) that may have the greatest influence on you are ones you will never exchange a word with.

Is it just me?

Okay onto other things - I am always in a bit of a quandary over October 31 - do I or do I not celebrate Halloween? I am a big fan of anything with ghosts and goblins involved but I was just wondering if anyone else does it? There seems to be more and more Halloween gear in our stores - is it just another commercialised thing I am getting myself sucked into or is it really starting to take off in Australia? There seems to be numerous lolly eyeballs around - which in a bit of a twisted way are kinda cool - but I think I might be getting sucked into this a bit.......

Something else I am not real sure of is what seems to be an increase of anger for absolutely the weirdest reasons. I have lived in a pretty small, 'hippified' place for a while and I haven't been in the actually 'outside the home' workforce but people are really amazing me sometimes. Don't get me wrong, I am all for experiencing the full spectrum of emotion and I do get a pissed at probably ridiculous things. Things I am not real sure about are the amount of anger in cars, people that get pissed at other people driving the speed limit or waiting for the truck to go before they turned - I always figure if I am late it is either my fault ( cause I am a little disorganised ) or just luck of the draw - in the grand scheme of things is there any point to sitting in your car abusing other people? They can't hear you - they don't care! They just think your a nutter who talks to themselves? But maybe it is just me that doesn't get it. Also, why I am up here on my soapbox, if you talk to people like they are idiots, and yell at them or give them attitude I am fairly sure it comes back to bite you in the ass. In the past two weeks I have seen people get mad about coffee not being right, unexpected guests, weddings, really (to me) 'out there reasons' and in some way I think all this anger turns on you in the end.

I think when you live in a day to day world where the other inhabitant is three maybe you get a different ( or twisted) view on things!

Enjoy your Friday x

Blogtoberfest 20: The birth of the conscious mama

Well.... I did survive the bathroom fall to go on and achieve many more uncoordinated antics so nothing can keep me down long! I have kind of been fence sitting on a few things lately and think I have come to a few decisions (but as always will probably change my mind). I was thinking about going back to study next year - which I love - I am a geek and proud! When I was trying to work out how life would work with my choice of study (which of course had copious amounts of clinical and field work) it just wasn't going to mesh so study - well uni anyway - is off the to do list until next year.

It is funny how much things change when you have a child. I was always a bit of a 'left wing greenie' , for lack of a better word, but it's funny how much more genuinely concerned for the entire well being of the world you become. I think now the madam is getting old (she turns 3 next week) it's all really freaking me out.
I want to bring into a peaceful healthy world a peaceful, healthy constructive member of society.

I am trying to form a political opinion on as much as I can, eat locally, reduce food waste, recycle, op shop, teach good values and morals...........and yes I am an atrociously compulsive list maker! Whilst doing all of this I am trying to make sure each day has a little bit of 'zen' where I am present for each thing I do, I am present when being with my girl or the Mr, I slow down to take in life.

As completely insane as it all sounds I am starting to feel like I am getting there - slowly but these changes in life are starting to work. I have managed to avoid a 'big name' supermarket for almost a month ad just get our food through online shopping - which brings fresh local and organic produce and combine that with my local markets and shops so that part I feel I'm an getting there. Food is a big thing for us as we often entertain and I love to cook and eat very different things so by shopping this way I find I am getting better quality and actually saving money. Things like impulse buys are much, much less and I am much more conscious of what , when and how we eat.


One part of blogging that I am very in awe of and grateful for are the many men, women, parents, people, etc that never cease to suprise and inspire me. I am not a girl that fit really well into mothers group and I have a wide variety of friends from all different walks of life - so more often than not when ideas, advice or just a little inspiration is needed away from my 'day to day life' it is a beautiful thing to find it on my blogroll.

I have also started to think about my future, which of course, is intertwined with the future of the Madam and Mr. She will start education (still thinking about the form of!) next year and I am now really looking at something to increase the cash flow. When I do this I really want to be passionate about it . I know we don't all get the luxury of loving our jobs but I hope I can make it work within the next 12 months on a shoestring budget. I am looking at possibly the showing (and hopefully selling) my photos and pursuing my passion for writing and natural health (together and separately) - if I can get food in there I would have it the jackpot! Who knows! I have to get up and give it a go. I'd rather kick myself for trying than kick myself for just sitting on my butt!

Children reinvent your world for you.
Susan Sarandon

Are we our own worst enemies?

Why do mothers and some women (with or without children) feel the need to judge each other so severely? As a sex there has been generations of women before us that fought for the right to do many a thing - to vote, equality at work, natural parenting, have or not have children - basically to be women. Now in the 'new millennium' we can vote, we can chose (sometimes)to be working or non - working mothers, we can wear what we like, have a million options for ourselves and our kids. With all this available you would think that there would be a mass of self assured, confidant, loving women going about their daily lives full - physically, mentally, spiritually. But I (and it is just my opinion) do not really feel that this is happening.............

More and more I am hearing of women, some mothers some not, to scared or lacking in confidence because of something another woman has said or done. Whether it be their friend, acquaintance, mother, sister, in law, teacher it is always at the hands of a fellow woman. I left my mothers group because I could not bear the continuous financial competitiveness, I could not put my daughter through another Wednesday afternoon of possibly not living up to the others standards and I couldn't put myself through not living up to their standards. I wasn't raising my child according the masses, I wore the wrong clothes, said the wrong words. Another friend of mine has herself in a complete and utter breakdown state because her 9 month old is not up to her mothers groups standards and she is starting to 'feel the heat'. I could go on but I wont subject you all to that!

Like me there are a few I know that have left mothers group, book clubs, gyms, etc because of other women - yes we have all found other creative outlets, fitness regimes and things for our kids to do - but should we have had too?

I am grateful for the experience as it has probably allowed me to become more confident about who I am and what I do - and it led to me starting this blog which I will be forever grateful for - I just wonder what happened to the sisterhood - can we not support where we criticize, can we not understand where we would usually judge, why do we not embrace the uniqueness?

Are we really living in a society where the most dangerous of predators are our own kind?

Vibes, Karma & a bit of breakie

A few posts ago I asked about whether you thought people were just good or bad - or was there an in between (and a few other questions). I asked because there has been a fair few changes in our life recently and it means I will be spending some more time with a few people I .......... well to be honest would rather not. Previously I have found them to be of negative energy and they just seem to upset the 'vibe' (and it's all about the vibe).

I think (and I am leaving this all subject to change!) that the way I am looking at it at the moment is that there is no black and white - there is a rainbow of moods, attitudes, vibes, characters, etc. People chose the way they act and conduct themselves but this is often based on knowledge and experience or lack there of. So if said people are exposed to more positive and compassionate knowledge and experiences it will, in turn, have a more positive and compassionate affect on them. I feel that I need to hold my own judgement (which is really a little bit based on fear of being judged by them) back and see if it can all work.

These people are connected to the Mr so as part of being in a relationship is compromise and this means a lot to him I think this is the way I am going to work it. It is just a situation I think I needed to 'game plan' in a way - I don't know if this makes sense!

He (and said people!) grew up in a very religious, enclosed environment and I often think that this has a lot to do with the way they act, talk and relate to each other. I know with the Mr it has certainly taken a lot to get through many (and there are still more to come) barriers that his upbringing created.

On the karma track, I have come to the conclusion (also subject to change) that I am a believer in karma in a way - I believe that good attracts good and that if you have a good and positive heart in all you do it will 'rub off' (lost words at the the moment) on those around you and life in general. I don't know if that constitutes as karma but I'm working on it.

Okay next question - favourite week day breakfast? Not quite as deep but I'm looking for something different.

List is still coming - I have to narrow down things x

I finally did it!

Well hello to all those in the blogosphere! (Yes I am thinking positively that someone may actually read my ramblings) I have spent some time reading many, many other blogs and have become so inspired that I thought I might start my own.

So this blog and post are a work in progress so please bear with me. But if anyone has any suggestions, ideas , etc on how to make this 'work' I would love to hear them. I must go check my little madam but will post soon.