The Mr and I are complete opposites. We have had totally different upbringings, have very different friends, experiences everything. We have opposite politics ( I'm left he is right), beliefs, different tastes in music, food, movies. I think in the last five years we have only agreed on two songs, three movies and one meal! You get the idea that we are a classic case of opposites attract.
The madam was a planned pregnancy. I was told I could not have children and that if , by chance I did get pregnant, it would take a significant amount of time. The same doctor that told us this also gave us the positive result after we had been trying to get pregnant for four weeks......so go figure.
In the last, almost three years, the Mr and I have probably discovered just how opposite we are. He did not cope at all when the Madam was born. He has never hidden or denied this so he is not fussed with me writing about it. He did not cope when I was in labour and for a long time there after.
He has openly admitted that he did not realise that this tiny person would take so much of me away from him. I know it sounds totally ridiculous but he seriously has never been able to share me. He has some very deep seeded issues from childhood that after having our girl were definitely brought out.
It was very hard on him to see life suddenly dedicated to this tiny girl who was totally dependant on me. The more he resented her the more she attached to me. Sometimes I would have to get someone to look after her just so she could have a break from him and he could have the 'Katy time' he needed.
I am, by nature, a fairly calm person but yes this situation has had me 'on a bridge' (so to speak) more times than I can count. Listening to others talk about how united they were at parenting, how their partners looked after the kids so they could have 'me' time, etc - it had me crying in my car a lot. In fact I do believe my lovely car as had to listen to my ranting, tears, etc more than any other inadament object.
Yes, at times both of us thought of ending the relationship. There were many reasons to leave but one kept us together. Above all the stupid things that have happened in the last three years we loved each other. I always said I wanted to find someone that had two elements to him;
1. That I could have just as good a time with just the two of us as I have with my friends.
2. I have to be able to wake up next to him and think this is still going to be good when we are eighty.
He has them.
Anyway, after numerous books, talking with each other and some beautiful people that seemed to come into our lives, experiences, etc we seem to be coming to the light at the end of the tunnel. I tried desperately to shield the madam from any of this, not once has she ever heard us fight and never has she wanted for anyone or anything and they have a great relationship now. I guess I wont know if the way her dad had to discover being a father had any impact on her until she gets older but as for now I think she is doing okay.
He is not perfect, mind you neither am I and we both have our good and bad days as far as parenting or just existing goes. But I think, or I guess I feel, that now we are really a family and it is kinda cool.
Thursday, October 1, 2009
Wednesday, September 30, 2009
(Via Museum of Happiness)
Gustafson Porter created this balloon canopy for the Venice Architectural Biennale, using just helium balloons and shade cloths. Wouldn't it be beautiful for a dinner party or a wedding? As long as there was beautiful weather!
Somehow I need to fit 48 hours into one day..... I am working on it .... the words haven't been coming for me - I think it might be because I'm starting to do some realigning and reinventing - now the madam is a bit older and needs a fair amount of stimulation ( which of course must fit all parental criteria that I guilt myself into) and I am wanting to pursue a few more of my loves, ideas and passions ( apart from obviously the madam and the Mr) I am working out how to fit it all in....in our home, my mind, my physical being.... as usual it is a work in progress but I am feeling very positive about it all.
I have read the latest post from Maggie at Flux Capacitor - as always she can write the words I wish I could - a beautiful example of relationships.
I am going to try and make this wise woman deodorant from the ever amazing multitasker extraordinaire Kel at taurus rising ... and I am thinking about trying to do one of her duck recipes...it looks so yummy but I think I have Daffy issues.
I have lots of blog reading to catch up on, a course application to fill out, recipes and a pantry (see Dad) to organise but most of all I am just really grateful for the whole lot... I am a very lucky girl! ( and yes I can still be a girl at 30)
(* for some reason my links aren't working all the time I will try and figure it out asap)
WE have been doing a little painting lately... I have been preparing for the move outside that comes with the warmer months (if our weather dares to make a decision!). Making sure the garden is weed free, sweeping, moving play things around outside. All in preparation for the adventure I am hoping that summer will be.....
Tuesday, September 29, 2009
I took this photo the other night - I think he will flip when he finds out I have posted a photo of him asleep. It is funny I am finding now men are a bit like children -in that they are so quiet and peaceful when they are asleep that you forget all the 'babe could you? or babe why haven't you?' that happened before they went to sleep.