Monday, October 11, 2010

Friendships, bitchfest or is it just life?

Cartoon from here

I am finding more and more that I trust the wrong people.  Especially the wrong women.  I have a great group of friends who I adore and they are great - I met most of them through one friend who I have known for about 25 years. We all have our moments and go in and out of each others lives but in the end we are all there, straight up, no bullshit with each other.  We drive each other crazy, have a fantastic time together, drink wine & tea, and everything we say we say it from the heart as the truth and live with the result.  The interesting thing is they are all probably 5 to 20 years older than me (I'm 31).

I am finding though another group of women have come into my life, mainly through the common thread of having a small child and family connection, they are younger than me.  I don't know what it is but it seems to be a really different way of socialising.  You can say what you like , just don't say it to the person you are talking about.  Parenting skills are criticised even when some of them (one couple particularly) are brilliant parents.  Fence sitting on every issue, problem, query is a full time occupation.  Unfortunately  I feel like I have maybe been a little to honest about life in general with this group and now it is being used against me. 

I know it all sounds so second grade.................

I am not without my faults I know that.  I can be way to over protective of the Mr & Madam,  I have been a complete bitch and been called on it.  I do try to not say anything that I would never say to someones face.  The worst thing is in these situations I am kind of a once bitten forever shy person. 

So my question is.....

How do you know when to trust someone?  Is honesty the best policy with all friendships or just some?


Pip at Rest is not idleness said...

I generally trust someone until they give me cause not to trust them, I do think it is better to be upfront and honest, so I have often been told that I am too abrupt (whatever that means), sometimes it is easier when starting a friendship to outline your faults (as you perceive them) at the beginnning of it, that way everything is out there and no-one can say "I didn't know you were like that or felt that way".

Corinne said...

I've found relationships with women to be more difficult than any other...
Especially when the common thread is children. I had a horrible experience in a mommy group, the same sort of situation, being too honest and trusting and then ending up screwed and back stabbed... so not good.

Jenny said...

I'm quite pessimistic when it comes to relationships. It takes me time before I can trust someone. They have to prove to me over time that they are a trustworthy person, a time of getting to know them.
I usually will not give someone my opinion on parenting unless I'm asked, women tend to freak out about those sorts of things.
I think with alot of friendships, most people cannot take honesty or criticism. Everyone gets hurt feelings, and they won't tell you they have hurt feelings, they will just harbor them.
I have only one friend that I can do this with. I have known her since college and she is upfront and honest.
Women are super sensitive at times, I know I can be, and with their kids, they are like mama bears with their cubs, ready to charge if they are threatened.
As you can tell by my lengthy response, I know exactly what your talking about. Mom groups at times are like high school all over again, yuk.
I wish you the best!

windingcirclelifeschool said...

I am not sure what it is about younger people but you are right its a totally different ball game!A lot of my friends are a lot older then i am with the exception of 2 good friends i have known for the past 16 years.Although i believe that honesty is the best policy i am usually very shy and tend to keep my mouth shut UNLESS i know the people really well.I think the best thing you can do is just be you, if people are not going to like you for who you are then why spend the energy being who they want you to be.
As for being protective of your partner and your little miss, that is what parents should be!I am very protective of my girls and my hubby too.Just be yourself hon, no one can expect more then that.As for trusting, it takes me a while to trust people as i like to sus out how they relate and who they are first.

Maggie May said...

i don't trust until i have a reason to. until the trust is earned. i don't *feel* pessimistic? but perhaps that is. to me, it's just the only way that makes sense. you can't have any idea if a person is trustworthy or not until you have examples to go on.

red-handed said...

Being indignant is all the rage, these days. You really have to trust your gut, and slowly back away from some people.

Anonymous said...

Your gut is usually on the money babe!

I love making new friends, especially Mama friends but as a rule, women are bitchy and have that pack mentality. Not always and not all of us, but most ... and it makes it's hard knowing who to befriend and who to trust, doesn't it?